I did call the doctor’s office yesterday about my foot (’bout time huh?  only been like 7 weeks now that it’s been hurting).  They had an appointment open for 4:40 PM, so I took it and the girls and I took off for the appointment.  They sent me to x-rays after the appointment, but said they probably won’t get back to me with results until Friday since it was the end of the day Wed.  So…I still don’t know anything.

I’ve been going to bed every night early, so I can get up at 8:30.  I am still tired every morning though, so I try an extra half hour earlier each night.  So last night I was IN bed at 12:30 and lights were out about 12:45.  Still, I could barely drag myself out of bed at 8:30 this morning.  Guess I’ll have to try 12 tonight.  Anyhow, then every day after lunch with the girls, I have needed to lay down on the couch for a little hour nap while they play quietly nearby.  I realize it’s not a real restful deep-sleep nap, as I am really listening to them the whole time, but dang…shouldn’t 8 hours of sleep be enough?  I shouldn’t even NEED this extra hour of rest.  Must be hormones again…this always happens to me about a week before Aunt Flow shows up, and sometimes continues on for so long even after my period ends.  I’ve about given up complaining about it to the doctor because I am truly convinced it’s hormone related, and the OB sent me to GI instead.  I guess I should just wait and see what happens when they do that darn upper GI - I still think that’s going to be totally pointless.

This is my 4th month using the ovulation kits to try for #3 and we’ve been trying for 15 months now, so I need to decide what to do if I’m still not pg this time.  The OB had recommended I try the ovulation kits for a few months to see if I was even ovulating - well it has shown ovulation each month, and I continue to have strange cycles and odd things going on with each cycle.  I did ask the OB to run a CA 125 (ovarian cancer marker) back in April (I had a very high result back when I had the cyst on my ovary that turned out to be endometriosis) to see if it would give us any indication of anything (rather than jumping right into the exploratory laparoscopy).  The test in April was slightly elevated, so the OB had me retest in May, which also showed a bit high and so I have to have it done again this month.  It’s not anywhere in the numbers that it was back when, but I guess elevated enough for her to watch it.  Keep in mind this test does pretty much elevate for just about ANYthing going on in the pelvic area, so my low elevated score isn’t something to really get too excited about right now, just something to watch.

Anyhow..I guess I need to determine if I want to go through any fertility treatment again this time, if I should find a specialist again, or if I should just give up on trying so actively and let things be as they may.  I have somewhat in my mind determined that if I’m not pregnant by about the end of the year, or maybe at the 2 year mark (which would be March), I will stop trying and just consider our family done.  I know plenty people do have children at ages much older than I will be and I even have friends who have, but after 35 the risks really increase dramatically and Alyssa would be approaching 10 and Ky 5.  While my girls are now 5 years apart, I just don’t think I want to remain in this state of incompleteness much longer.  I’m ready for us as a family to move forward and stop being in limbo.  I’m getting tired of thinking about WHAT IF in so many decisions we make.  Well, we can do this, but what if I do get pregnant…how will that affect such and such…  I’m close to ready to just move forward.  Additionally, while I do LOVE working at home and being with my girls, I do want to go back to work and use my education eventually.  The longer I wait to have another kid, the longer till that day comes for me, or I will have to consider daycare again for that next kid, and while Alyssa did go to daycare the first 2 years because I couldn’t afford to not work at the time, I’ve been fortunate to stay home with Ky all this time and really would like to be able to do the same for the next kid.

Ok…this turned into a big rambling post about randomness LOL….sorry…I guess I should go pick up a few things and get dinner started soon.  Alyssa has singsations practice again tonight, so we need to eat early enough to take her to that.